Despite what the title suggests i don’t mean on wordpress. Lets be honest taking a break on this blog doesn’t mean shit because it takes me about a century to post anyway. However i’m not gonna apologise because if were gonna continue being honest none of you will give a shit anyway. There are literally thousands of bloggers who produce the same type of content i produce. If i disappeared for a year no-one would notice and to be honest i like it that way. I don’t want to depend on this blog, despite my undeniable love for it. However i do wanna post more jeez idk i’ll just do whatever i can assure you that.
Anyway pointless mini rant over you may asking yourself What exactly is she taking a break from? Well good question pretty sure one no-one asked short answer Revision, long answer reeeevision. God i love reusing old jokes from the vicar of Dibley, don’t you? Back to my point i’m actually fucking sick of revision. My school put priority on the people going GCSE and those doing their A- levels and so i have my end of years in about 2 weeks. The thing is i actually did absolute shit on my last end of years on some specific subjects and i actually promised myself i would revise 2 months prior to the actual exams. Hah about that i mean i pretty sure i din’t know about the exam 2 months ago. I’ve been revising non-stop for about a week now and its really burned me out. Idi a history essay this morning and then i literally was just wandering about aimlessly for a the rest of the day and bingwatching skins and shit posting on my spam account. I was thinking about going to the fair with a huge group of people, because i haven’t mad physical contact with anyone outside my family for the past 3 days. I really want to go because i need to get out seriously and the person who invited has kinda become a disconnected friend and i REALLY want to rekindle my friendship. However this being said i really hate going out in big groups of people. When your actually out walking people have separate conversation and especially since were going to the fair and we wont have a chance to talk as big group as we have an ice-cream or something. Another reason behind my reluctance is the fact that my crush will be there. Lets for now just call him Gil (i just rewatched the 80s adaptation of Anne of the green gables and UGH!). Its not like we aren’t friends we actually talk quite a lot so he has acknowledged my existence which is nice . I’ve only just realised that his mum works with mine through an awkward encounter in the hospital. You know i’ll save that for another post. Anyways back to the point i don’t want to go because as shallow as it seems i know everyone will look so good and i replicate like the potato i am and my friend isn’t the most subtle. I’m not exaggerating, because once she literally pushed me into him and i ended up lying on top of him.
However my education isn’t the only thing i taking a break from as it seems i given up on trying to get healthy. One of my biggest insecurities is my weight or my lack of it. I was born seriously underweight and kept in an incubator for a very long time. Since then i have always been labelled as that skinny girl. My weight fluctuates like crazy. I’ve found i kinda impossible for me to keep any of the fat i gain, i really dont mean to sound like those bitches who complain about being skinny, but i am literally unhealthy. Recently it was getting better in the appearance department because of my swimming and going to the gym and gained a bit of muscle, but because the past week i have just been sitting down and doing nothing i’ve lost a lot of weight. So i kinda seems like a really fucked up ultimatum my body is giving me. Either actually revise or descend into a really unhealthy place. Also i as i mentioned in my uniquely me tag i have doctors appointments in London because my kidney is really fucked up and doesn’t work properly, they always take my weight and height and my doctor loves grilling me about my weight. I just can’t be asked to be on the end of her screams and lectures. IU told my self i’d get back to 50 kg by the end of this month but lets be honest that will never happen, but a girl can dream right. I really don’t know what to do anymore i feel so lost nowadays and don’t really have anyone to talk to. Its like everyone had phases where they got really sad and had no idea what to do, but everyones moved on from that all they can talk about is boys, petty drama and literally no-one gives a shit about anything deeper than that. Its like i’ve missed the boat and i have to be with myself about everything to do with my health and everything going on at home and at school. I don’t really know anymore. So yeah i guess bye